Written in the Stars
by it-will-be-anarchy
Summary: Berrynose sees no reason to go on after Honeyfern dies.  But sometimes, rules are broken and borders are crossed, and suddenly, Berrynose finds himself-and his true love-in a situation that could cost them both their chances of eternity in StarClan.
1. Chapter 1

**the allegiances are the same as the end of sunrise. i'm too lazy to type it all up, so, yeah. this is definitely different from most of my other stories...it's almost like...more in the TWILIGHT series section than my either weird short stuff or my Stephen King stuff. so i hope it doesnt suck. well, if it does, sucks for you, cuz you just wasted your time reading it. and dont expect it to follow Sunrise exactly or OOTS at all.**

Berrynose sat on guard for ThunderClan, watching the stars. He wondered how they could possibly be the spirits of dead cats, watching over the Clans. They were so far away.

StarClan was so far away.

How closely could they be watching the Clans?

How much could they care?

Considering Berrynose's life, not much.**  
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He knew he bragged a lot. He knew he was a show-off, and that no one really liked him, they only put up with him because everyone was afraid of what Daisy would do when she snapped. Not _if_, but _when_.

But he was still loyal to ThunderClan, and he had never done anything to intentionally break the warrior code. Well, maybe a few times. But nothing so wrong it was almost sick, like mating with a cat from another Clan.

All he had wanted was to be a great warrior. To hunt for his Clan, to defend his Clan, and maybe get a few battle scars on the way. Maybe become deputy. Maybe become _leader_.

And maybe to have a mate. And kits. And grandkits that he could watch over when he was lying half-dead in the elders' den, proud of everything his kits had accomplished and ready to peacefully pass on into the next life.

Then the world came crashing down, and his dreams were shattered.

How could StarClan have been so cruel, to take Honeyfern from him like that? They were already planning their kits together. They would have been beautiful, some cream and some brown tabby. She would have been a great mother. They would have been happy. They would have been _together_.

And how it hurt.

To add insult to injury, Hollyleaf disappeared. Probably died in a tragic accident. Not many knew that Hollyleaf had helped Berrynose get through the pain. She was hurting, too, almost as much as he, though she was better at hiding it. They helped each other. And now Hollyleaf was gone, too.

Berrynose almost saw no reason to go on living.

Except that his Clan needed him, and he knew if he left it would kill Daisy and Hazeltail and Mousewhisker.

Berrynose sighed and shook his head. He had never been much of a deep thinker. And now his head hurt.

"Berrynose."

Leafpool's gentle but nervous mew sounded from the entrance tunnel to the camp. Berrynose slowly turned to look at her.

"I'm, well, supposed to take over your watch, because, well, it's about dawn," she meowed, shifting from paw to paw. "I just...sit here, right?"

"Yes," Berrynose answered shortly, and brushed right past her, not minding the gorse tugging at his fur and pricking his skin. Leafpool had fallen from grace as a medicine cat when it was discovered Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf were her kits, and so she was forced to give up her position and become a warrior. She didn't seem reluctant to do so, though; she seemed to accept what was coming to her.

Berrynose tugged a vole from the nearly empty fresh-kill pile and chewed through its scrawny hide with something close to disdain. He saw Spiderleg by the warriors' den, just waking up and stretching out. Spiderleg flashed him a glance, and Berrynose bared his teeth and turned his attention back to his vole. He wanted nothing to do with Spiderleg. Spiderleg thought he could mess with them, waltzing into Daisy's life and then backing out once he found out there were kits on the way. Berrynose held nothing against Daisy; she just felt lonely after having to leave Smoky, her first litter's father; and he felt no anger toward Toadkit and Rosekit. It wasn't their fault their father was a coward.

No, StarClan did not care much for Berrynose.

Especially cursing him with a name like..._Berrynose._

Not to mention he had a stump of a tail.

"Do you want to go hunting with us?"

Hazeltail's voice shook Berrynose out of his reverie. She was standing over him, head slightly cocked, flanked by Birchfall and Poppyfrost.

"Well, I was just up all night..." Berrynose meowed slowly.

"Well, you also took one of the last pieces of fresh-kill," Hazeltail meowed sardonically. "I think you owe it to the Clan to at least catch back that vole you're not eating."

Berrynose looked down at his half-eaten vole and pushed it toward Hazeltail. "Want some?"

Hazeltail backed away. "Of course not. I haven't done my share of the work yet!"

Berrynose was silent. Then he dipped his head to Hazeltail. "Okay."

Hazeltail's hard gaze softened. "Berrynose, I've told you before. You've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. She's not coming back."

"Don't even bring that up!" Berrynose hissed. "Don't even..."

Hazeltail laid her tail gently across his shoulder. "Let's hunt."

The group of four left camp and raced through the trees and thickets, heading toward the abandoned Twoleg nest. After a little while, Hazeltail stopped, and signaled for the rest of the group to do so, too.

"I can hear prey up here," she meowed. "Let's split up. Birchfall, you and me will head toward the Twoleg nest. Berrynose, you and Poppyfrost will head in the direction of the lake."

"Sounds good," Birchfall meowed. "Hazeltail, you are excellent at leading patrols. I'll be sure to tell Firestar."

Hazeltail puffed out her chest, and the two of them slowly disappeared into the morning mist.

"So..." Poppyfrost mewed, watching Berrynose. "Shall we go?"

"Sure," Berrynose mewed gruffly, starting ahead, not bothering to wait for her.

Poppyfrost easily caught up. "You know, you don't have to shut everyone out," she meowed quietly. "You're not the only one who's hurting."

"Will everyone just leave me alone?" Berrynose growled. "That's all I hear, day in and day out. 'You're not alone!' 'There are other cats out there!' 'She's happy in StarClan!' No one understands! No one loved her like I did!" His voice cracked on the last sentence.

"She was my sister," Poppyfrost whispered. "It still hurts."

"Please." Berrynose hung his head. "Please, just drop it. I can't listen to this anymore."

Poppyfrost didn't respond.

**that was just a little beginning, summarizing what he's feeling and everything. the real story will begin soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Berrynose felt the rise and fall of Mousewhisker's chest as he slept next to him. Mousewhisker's breathing was soft and slow, almost soothing to listen to. The familiarity of it made Berrynose want to sigh with relief.

No, he hadn't felt right since Honeyfern's death. But surely it wasn't taking away from his warrior skills, like Hazeltail suggested. He would be fine. He just needed time, which no one seemed to want to give him.

It was nighttime again. Lately Berrynose had been sleeping during the day and staying awake all night. He couldn't pinpoint exactly why; perhaps he felt closer to Honeyfern when he could see the stars, where she was supposed to be.

He'd been having dreams. They were muddled, foggy dreams, but they were still pretty bad nonetheless. They happened every time he went to sleep, day or night: just yowls, and shouts of terror, and agonizing shrieks of pain. He supposed that it was probably a cloudy portrayal of when Honeyfern was bitten by the snake, but it seemed different somehow.

Just another thing to dwell on.

Berrynose laid his head on Mousewhisker's shoulder and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Again, he had the dream. But this time, there was something else. He could hear Honeyfern's voice in it, beckoning him. Calling him. He knew he was probably being delusional, but yet he wanted to hear what her voice said.

Berrynose felt a sharp jab in his ribs, and he jolted awake, sputtering a few weak coughs.

Mousewhisker was standing over him, his fur sticking up in different directions and looking generally ruffled. "You were all over the place," he meowed, flicking his ears in annoyance. "You kept flailing your limbs and muttering in your sleep. I had to do _something_, or else I wouldn't get any sleep."

"Sorry," Berrynose mewed, feeling his pelt grow hot.

Mousewhisker huffed and settled back down in his nest. "Yeah, well, not all of us can sleep during the day like you can. Some of us have to go on patrols and catch food for the Clan, instead of pretending to do that and instead moping the whole way."

"I'm not so sorry anymore," Berrynose meowed, standing up briskly. "I'm taking a walk."

"Why don't you check the borders while you're at it?" Mousewhisker mumbled, his voice muffled by the moss in his nest.

"No," Berrynose meowed simply, and left. He padded quickly out of camp and down toward the lake. He needed to go somewhere that no cat would look for him, and since everyone knew he wasn't that into water, he supposed no one would look for him at the lake, at least for a little while.

The sky was perfectly reflected on the lake, and it appeared as though the sky simply extended across the ground to reach out and touch Berrynose's paws. He put his front paws into the lake, dipping them into the cool water and sighing.

No one would ever believe he was feeling like this. For most cats, he did play off pretty well, just keeping emotionless. Only Daisy, Hazeltail, Mousewhisker, and Honeyfern's parents and sisters really knew how he was feeling, and maybe some of them didn't. Who really knew?

Suddenly, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He yowled up to the sky, "Why, StarClan? Why did you do this to me? You took away the only cat I ever really cared about. What more do you want to take from me?"

Defeated, Berrynose turned his head back to the cold water lapping at his paws.

Then the unimaginable happened.

Berrynose saw a faint glow. Bemused, he looked up to the sky. One of the stars was noticeably brighter than the others.

He shrugged it off. Weird things always happened with the sky. He didn't really pay much attention anymore, especially after the sun disappeared that one time.

"Berrynose."

Berrynose sighed. "Shut up, Hazeltail. I'm coming back. I'm not a kit."

"Berrynose."

Berrynose flicked his tail. That wasn't Hazeltail's voice. "Poppyfrost. Cinderheart, maybe?"

"Berrynose, please."

Berrynose froze. He had heard that, so many times before. The sarcasm, in a melodious voice, with the hint of a laugh behind it.

Berrynose didn't want to believe it. So he gulped the big lump in his throat and meowed, "Okay, then Icepaw. That's my final answer."

"I don't have much time. Turn around. Please."

Berrynose couldn't make his limbs work. He stayed rooted to the spot.

"It's me! I need to see you. Turn around!"

Berrynose forced his limbs into turning him slowly around. He kept his eyes clamped shut firmly until he was facing the opposite direction. Then he squinted, holding his breath.

Tiny beads of light were floating in the air.

"This isn't happening," he murmured. "I'm still dreaming. Mousewhisker's going to claw my ears off in a moment to wake me up."

"I've missed you."

The beads of light flickered and fluttered around a faint outline. Glittering pawsteps appeared every time the figure moved forward.

Berrynose exhaled. "Honeyfern."

Honeyfern was right in front of him now. Her eyes stared up at him, and he looked down at her. It was strange, seeing her, but also being able to see the ground beneath her.

Honeyfern moved quickly, and suddenly she was pressed up against him. Berrynose shivered and gasped in shock. Her pelt was as cold as ice, and the little stars on her pelt were like sparks on his skin.

"Don't grieve for me," Honeyfern murmured. "I'm not worth it. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Your dreams of being leader. Your dreams of a family. I can't do anything for you now. You have to move on."

"No," Berrynose mewed quickly. "No. I can't do anything without you."

Honeyfern laughed. "How much you've changed. I wonder if you would have said that if I was still alive."

Berrynose didn't know how to respond.

Honeyfern sighed and tilted her head. "Sure, you loved me. But I guess you don't ever know what you have until it's gone."


End file.
